SO YOU’VE DECIDED
A Handy Guide to Making Money While Avoiding Imminent Destruction
TO SAVE THE RAINIVERSE
Welcome to the Rainiverse
We don’t know where you’re from, and frankly we don’t care. There is a major cosmic force that threatens our world,
and we need your help to stop it.
A brief history of the Lords of Light
For thousands of years, the Rainiverse was a giant cosmic battleground for seven powerful meta-beings called the
Lords of Light. They spent the infinity of their existence trying to murder each other. Why? Professional
Chad Raini was the key. The mythical mythic would, according to prophecy, appear when one Lord emerged victorious.
Then Chad Raini would hang out with that final Lord and they would eat chicken wings and solve mysteries
There was another very different prophecy concerning the return of Chad Raini, but it involved stupid and unsexy
stuff like sharing and balance. The Lords chose to ignore that one.
So the Lords of Light fought. Planets were conquered, populations were decimated, and blood ran like a
Frankly it was pretty great. Constant warfare, lots of opportunities for glory, and the Lords provided great
benefits for their followers. Medical, prophet sharing, and Chainmail Fridays.
Hundreds of worlds gave billions of people to fight in this cosmic conflict. Life was good, until one day
something happened, which is now referred to as the Unravelling.
Pick at the threads of reality, and it starts to unravel. Set an enormous cosmic being of infinite destructive
capability against it and…well…it still unravels – just more quickly.
The first clue was a subtle shift in reality. Bubbles vanished from beer, cats grew slightly larger, and Doug was
completely removed from existence (we have no idea who Doug is, and now it seems like we never will). These
phenomena were initially ignored by the mortals in Raini – they were used to weird stuff happening, what with all
those immortal beings fighting.
However, the Lords of Light immediately knew what was coming. With the unraveling featuring heavily in both
prophecies, they even expected it, and they knew exactly where it would go down…
Chromatica was a world teeming with life and magic. Located in the centre of the Rainiverse, it had been spared
ravages of war purely because it was too much of a hassle to invade. Living on the planet were painfully annoying
creatures like humans, spiders, and carnivorous drop bears – so none of the Lords wanted to mess with it. The
perfect place for an eldritch force to emerge and begin its eternal entropic buffet unchallenged.
They called it the Quantum Rug, a being of immense hunger that had consumed all life in its own universe by
on fear, uncertainty, and doubt. And that all-consuming force now had its sights set on Chromatica.
The message was loud and clear: Unite, or perish.
Faced with no other option, the Lords of Light turned to the boring prophecy. The one that said Chad Raini would
appear only after the Lords agreed to play nice and share.
The Lords promptly traveled to Chromatica to agree on the terms of a truce – this was a particularly easy sell,
given that travel between planets for truce discussion purposes is tax deductible. The terms were clear; they
divide up the land evenly, so they could each draw power and distribute it across their followers. They could
fight a little (it’s good cardio) but Chromatica’s capital city was deemed neutral territory. Plus there was a
statue of Chad Raini there and that was pretty cool.
Just as the ethereal handshakes on the truce were being wrapped up, everyone heard a sound like a watermelon being
thrown against a larger watermelon: A photon portal opened in the middle of the city – Chad Raini had appeared to
save us all!
This Is Where You Come In
Turns out Chad Raini could not save us all.
The Quantum Rug is simply too powerful, but Chad Raini at least had a plan, which included introducing some old
friends to the Lords of Light.
In addition to emitting light to energize the Lords, the photon portal permanently connected the Rainiverse to the
Cryptoverse. This enabled the Lords of Light to travel between these universes to recruit and return with iconic
legends of the Cryptoverse and imbue them with mystical power. Due to a shared clinical case of FOMO across all of
the icons, recruiting them did not prove to be difficult.
Chad Raini’s final task is to train up new generals to lead the war effort. With all of the candidates with actual
military experience having recently been disintegrated by a certain rug, he’s getting a little desperate…
So congratulations on your conscription and immediate promotion to General!
Not sure what that means? Allow me to explain – simply recruit a hero, train them in the art of magic, and guide
them to build an army of minions. Once this is done, direct your hero to the Colosseum to be pitted against the
heroes and armies of rival generals in a fight to the death (don’t worry, reincarnation is a thing in the
The Lords of Lights are able to offer you power and riches beyond your wildest dreams, but only if you prove
yourself and win their favor on the field of battle.
So if you want to join Chad Raini when he fights the Quantum Rug and save existence across both the Rainiverse and
the Cryptoverse, you better get cracking!
Do well enough and we may even build a statue of you (but Chad Raini’s will always be bigger).